what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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