I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
