Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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