I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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