my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
