you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
