If that was your dad, he is hot
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
