I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
