okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
