I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
