We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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