Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
