Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
