I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize