i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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