There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
