so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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