Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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