My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
