I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
