I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
