Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Are we still banned from the library?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
