why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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