Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
