dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
