I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
