Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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