So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
