I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
