i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
