so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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