Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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