I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
