If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize