I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can I color on your dick again?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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