um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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