Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
