Cold hands, warm shart.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize