I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
