just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
