I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
