We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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