So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i think we sleep fucked last night...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
