WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
