never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
