I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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