I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
