I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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