Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
