and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
