we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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