normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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