So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He has the fingertips of a God
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
