i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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