you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
