He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You've changed since you got that strap on
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
