Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
