I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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