i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
