the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
