you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
