I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
