Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
