3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
