you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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