I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
