Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
