I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
