who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
